Relationship Help for Guys

Real advice to help regular guys blast through their relationship problems

What does it mean when she says she wants to take it slow?

5 minutes

If you've started dating a girl recently but she's clearly stated that she wants to "take it slow". What this means varies depending on the girl and the circumstances. Here are some possibilities.

She needs to feel more comfortable

Let's face it, girl's can be slow burners sometimes. In order to really trust a guy, they need to spend time around him, to see how he acts around her, to see how he acts around other people, to see how he handles the good and bad in life.

Girls look for certain traits in guys; confidence, emotional stability, social competence amongst others. These aren't the kind of traits that you can display all at once, so she needs to see you in different environments and over a long time so that she can observe as much about you as possible.

If she likes you, she needs to be certain that you'll be a good match for the long-term. So if it seems like she genuinely likes you and she says she wants to take it slow, she may just need that extra comfort before she commits anything more.

She really likes you, and wants to keep you!

Ok, so get ready for some bizzare chick logic. Sometimes, when a girl really likes you and thinks you're a good long-term prospect, she will purposely avoid having sex with you and say she wants to "take it slow". Women know that offering sex is a powerful bargaining chip, so before they play their hand they want to be sure that they are going to win.

She wants you to invest in her so that she doesn't lose you. She may want to go on a set number of dates and refuse any kind of romantic intimacy until she feels that you are actually going to stick around. Effectively it's her way of filtering out guys that wouldn't be a good match for her.

Sometimes the girl might even say she wants to take it slow after she's already had sex with you! In this case she has realised she likes you and knows that you've already received her most valuable asset. So in order to regain some control and attempt to get you to stick around, she will backwards rationalise that she rushed into things too quickly. And now she wants to take it slow!

She's testing you

Girls are very good at seeing inconsistencies in behaviours. Maybe she's seen some really positive confident traits in you, but spotted some insecurities. This is going to make her uncertain about your character and a little uncomfortable. So in order to figure out if you're actually the confident guy she hopes you are, what better way to do it than give you a little test.

Despite the fact that things are going well, she might bluntly tell you that she wants to take it slow, just to see how you'll react. Will you slow confidence, laugh it off and be unaffected, not really caring if you take it fast or slow? Or will it make you upset and disappointed? She's looking for the first reaction, to confirm that you are the cool guy and not the butthurt guy.

She doesn't find you arousing

On the worse side of things, she wants to take it slow because she just doesn't find you arousing. She lacks the desire to be intimate with you Maybe she logically thinks you're a good match on paper, but in reality she just doesn't have any feelings for you right now. She knows she might miss out by letting you go, so hopes that she can develop those feelings over time. Taking it slow gives her a chance to see how her feelings might develop, and keeps you invested.

She has strong beliefs about how to do things right

Traditional views seem to be rapidly disappearing in women in the modern world, but there are still some out there who aren't comfortable rushing into relationships because of their strong beliefs. Maybe she's religious, has had bad experiences with relationships or generally has a strong opinion about what kind of relationship she should have. She may have pressure from her family to "date properly",' so to avoid hurting her social image she might want to take it slow.

You'll do, for now

Worst case scenario, she wants a boyfriend but can't do any better right now, so will keep you around as her fallback. Be wary of being taken advantage of in this scenario. She will likely avoid offering intimacy but expect you to provide your time and resources. Might be best to cut your losses on this one.


A girl might want to take things slow for various reasons, but generally it's because she needs more time to tell if you're the kind of guy she wants to keep around. Remember, just because she's setting the terms, doesn't mean you can't set your own. You can always end the relationship if is not developing how you want it to.